Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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