I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
