I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
