I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There r osticjed everywhere
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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