I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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