just come out here and I will go home with you...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
