I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
