Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
