Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
