in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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