Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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