She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
