I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
