pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
