dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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