Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
