I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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