Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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