my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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