so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
