Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
