even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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