we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
