We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
