Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
