New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was like eating out sand paper
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Randomize
