I cannot find my penis.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
