Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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