im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
