Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
