Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
