She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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