I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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