Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
