it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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