I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
