im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
