I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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