He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
