Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
