Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Are we still banned from the library?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
These tits shall not be calmed
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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