If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
