Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
