dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
