does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
