I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
