If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
