I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
