Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
