nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I love you. Go after that dick
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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